


Recovery

by putyournamehere



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, but it's hopeful, we're all about positivity and talking about our feelings in this house
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 14:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15887676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putyournamehere/pseuds/putyournamehere
Summary: Tim had told Dick he'd knew his brother would catch him after his fight with Ra's Al Ghul. That couldn't be further from the truth, and people are starting to catch on.A story about Tim's lack of self-preservation, and how those closest to him help.





	Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> bursts into ao3 after two years with a completely different fandom: hi
> 
> I've been sitting on 10k words of various stories but I wanted to get some feedback on this one. I know I'm always talking about mental health but this one is healthier!! It's all about recovery folks
> 
> Enjoy!

Tim couldn't pinpoint where exactly the feeling had started. Maybe it was when Bruce disappeared, maybe when Jason and Damien had at different points tried to kill him. Maybe he'd always felt like this, the severe lack of self-preservation; torn between waiting for an end and bringing an end to it himself. Tim could tell himself that he wasn't actively suicidal, but after all the stunts he'd pulled over the last year it was starting to look a lot like he was.

He had told Dick that he knew his brother would catch him after his fight with Ra's, that it wasn't a death sentence that he gave himself. That wasn't true; he was certain that would be the end of him. No one knew this, of course, not at the time. Everyone was still calming down from the League of Assassins' attack, and didn't have time to analyse Tim's actions, not when he had proof that Bruce was alive.

Bruce was back now. Everything was returning to normal - or as normal as things could be - and that meant people were starting to catch on to Tim's self destructive nature. 

Conner was the first to say something. Him, Cassie and Bart had all berated Tim for his stunt with Ra's, which quickly turned to fond and emotional embraces.  _That was crazy Tim, you could've died_ Cassie had said. Tim responded that he knew his brother would catch him, that he wouldn't die. A lie, but one that could pass through easily. He'd grown quite used to lying. Even so, his heart picked up as it naturally does when one lies.

But Conner had heard. 

Tim locked eyes with Conner's unflinching stare for a moment, before Dick had come in and asked what evidence Tim had wanted to show him, and the lie was forgotten. Well, Tim had thought it was forgotten. 

Cut to the present, where Tim hobbled down the back alleys of the streets towards the theatre he lived in. He made a risky decision, which involved getting between a child and an unexpected grenade. His body armour took up most of the damage, but he was still hurt, possibly first to second degree burns and a few fractures from the throwback. It was nothing he wouldn't be able to deal with on his own. Besides, all civilians were safe, the bad guys were locked up and that constitutes a successful night for Red Robin, injured or not.  

Apparently not for the rest of the family. Dick and Bruce had been upset - possibly a bit angry, possibly a bit scared - when they frantically spoke to him through the comms. Tim told them it was fine, the situation was dealt with, but they didn't let up so Tim had simply turned off the comms after telling them he was turning in for the night. 

He leaned against the alley wall for support.  _God_  these burns hurt. 

"Need some help, Boy Wonder?"

Tim looked up hazily at Conner who floated down next to him. "What happened to B's 'no metas in Gotham' rule?" 

"Batman doesn't know I'm here," Conner said, taking Tim's weight and began walking down the alley, "and Nightwing asked me to come find you since  _someone_  has closed off his comms." Conner didn't give him a pointed look, but Tim could sense the pointed look anyway. 

They made the rest of the journey with some light friendly bickering, Tim directing them towards the old theatre. When they were inside, TIm had expected a jab about the mess the place was in; Tim hadn't really had the chance between case work and Wayne Enterprise work to clean up the rennovated theatre. But he remained silent as Conner floated them up to the bedroom and Tim stripped off his suit, which meant there was something on his mind.

Conner came back with supplies for the burns - ice water and a flannel, some burn ointment, a first aid kit for whatever other injuries Tim had sustained. Tim got to work on the burns while Conner watched. Conner wasn't very subtle when he had something he wanted to say, stopping his usual chatter to mull over his words. By the time Tim had finished, Conner was still thinking and Tim was beginning to feel inpatient from his own weariness. But still he flopped back on his bed and waited.

A few moments later, Conner spoke. "Dick told me you stood between a grenade and a civilian." Tim made a noise of agreement. "There wasn't another way to get the kid out of the way?"

"Not fast enough, and not without putting someone else in danger." Tim replied. It was true, at least in the few moments he had to think before the grenade exploded. Standing between the grenade and the young girl had seemed the best option.

"Sounds more like a suicide attempt, if you ask me." Conner said quietly. Tim opened his eyes to meet Conner's gaze.

"What is this about Conner?" he asked.

Conner sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, "I'm just- I'm worried about you Tim. I mean we're all worried, your brothers and Batman and Cassie and Bart and-" he stopped, steadying his gaze. "I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to tell me the truth."

Tim could consider a way out of this conversation, but he didn't. "I won't lie. You can tell if I do."

Conner waited a moment before speaking. "Back before Batman came back, when you had a duel with Ra's Al Ghul. Did you honestly go into that thinking you'd come out alive?"

Tim thought about it, thought about lying and ending the conversation. But Conner trusted Tim to be honest, and for Tim to trust him. "No," he said quietly, "I thought- I was certain I would die there." 

The admission hung heavy between them. "You told me you were doing better when I found you." Conner said. It wasn't accusing, just a statement. 

"I was. I was better, but not the better people wanted me to be. I knew I wasn't going to compromise, and I knew what I had to do. And that was better to me. Whether I got out alive wasn't something I really questioned." Tim said. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have, and these weren't things he wanted to think about. He'd compartmentalised everything, worked himself to exhaustion so none of these thoughts would ever have to be looked at in closer detail. But Conner was here, a solid presence in this cold room he lived in, and he deserved an explanation.

Conner sat looking at him a little while longer before lying back next to Tim. "This is a real screwed up situation."

"Yeah." 

"Like real screwed up."

"It's been a rough year for everyone." Tim said.

"But especially for you." Conner turned to his side to look at him. "You're allowed to ask for help, you know. I know you're still reconnecting with the Titans and you have all this CEO stuff to do now but you're not a machine Tim." 

Tim turned his head to look at him. Earnest eyes looked back, older than they were but still just as kind. Tim reached for Conner's hand and held it tightly, feeling calm for the first time in a while. "I'll try. Asking for help that is. I'm just used to being on my own." Even though being on his own wasn't his choice, not at first. Not when Dick had given Robin to Damien, when Tim had been forced to walk his path alone. He was still a little bitter, he supposed.

Conner seemed to understand everything Tim wasn't saying saying, using his free hand to cup Tim's cheek and bring him back to the present. "I'll be here when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere, not this time."

Tim smiled, all while trying to keep his eyes open. The exhaustion of the night and the conversation seemed to be catching up to him. Conner began rearranging them on the bed until they were both under the covers, still holding hands. "Go to sleep, Tim." Conner said softly, resting his head on Tim's shoulder. Tim went to sleep soon after, never letting go. 

* * *

Jason was the second person to talk to him - while breaking in and stealing his coffee that is. 

There was muttering when Tim came blearily to consciousness. What time was it? Even though the burns on his body ached, he felt suspiciously well rested for the first time in a while. He looked next to him where Conner was still asleep, snoring softly. He was cute like this, oblivious to anything and everything that was happening around him. Tim was almost ready to go back to sleep. before he registered the muttering again. 

Careful not to wake Conner, he slipped out of the room and made his way downstairs to find-

Jason.

He was sitting in the kitchen area, feet resting on the table and talking quietly on the phone when he spotted Tim. "I'll call you back Goldie. Do not- Dick for fucks sake just stay there and I'll call you back." He hung up, grinning lopsided at Tim. "S'up Timbo, I made coffee."

Tim ignored the very obvious question of  _why is he here and how did he know where to find me_ , and went to the already prepared coffee pot. Him and Jason- things were better now. Thet two outsiders of the family. Hell, even Cass had begun warily making amends and fixing bridges while Jason and Tim simply hid. Dick was always The Big Brother, but unlike Dick, Jason  _understood_ Tim. So they had come to reach an alliance, and dare he say it, become friends.

That didn't explain what Jason was doing here, making coffee in Tim's previously unknown apartment. 

Tim sat down with his coffee and stared Jason down. Unfortunately, you couldn't really out-stare The Red Hood so after a minute of intense staring, Tim gave up and asked, "Jason, what the hell?"

Jason gave a one-sided shrug. "Dick didn't hear back from a certain someone after they went to check on you, so Barb gave me the location and I, so selfless and brave, came to see if you were dead." He grinned and waggled his eyebrows, "guess you were busy having fun with your Kryptonian."

Tim kicked him hard, not that it would of made much of a difference. "Conner and I didn't do anything," he muttered, fighting the blush that threatened his cheeks, "we just talked."

"Sounds so serious yet so boring." Jason said.

"Yeah well, it turns out I haven't been dealing with things as well as I thought. This year, I mean." Tim trailed off, staring into his coffee. He didn't know why he said that. Him and Jason weren't touchy feely people, nor talk-about-your-problems-as-a-healthy-coping-mechanism people. Yet he heard Jason's legs fall to the ground as he sat up straight.

"Talk, babybird." 

Tim considered him for a minute, weighing up the pros and cons of the situation before giving in. "Conner pointed out that there are better ways to deal with things than constantly going doing. You know."

Jason raised an eyebrow, "suicide missions?"

"Yeah, that." Tim sighed and continued quietly, "Do you ever feel like you shouldn't be here? That maybe everyone would be better off if you were gone? It's not like I put myself in these situations intentionally, but I don't exactly care if I survive." He suddenly expected Jason so blow up at him, to rip Tim apart. It seemed so selfish, to talk about not wanting to live to someone whose life was taken from him.

But Jason didn't say anything other than a knowing nod and "I feel you, kid."

Tim looked up. "You do?"

"Yeah," Jason said, "I mean we've both been through different shit. But I get it. That doesn't mean you don't need some serious help though."

"I already take enough time off from illness since my relationship ended with my spleen."

Jason chuckled at that. "Remind me to give your spleen a funeral at some point," he said. "But seriously, talk to someone. Hell, even talk to B, he's emotionally constipated as fuck but if it'll make you see a therapist then do it." Jason downed the rest of his coffee, before sighing. "Death really isn't as fun as you think it is." 

They sat in silence for a little while, lost in their own thoughts until Jason spoke again. "You know, I'm not kidding when I say I know how you feel. Coming back from the dead- I'm still learning to deal with that. But I have Kori and Roy and Bizzaro and Artemis. Friends, you know? And so do you. Learn to rely on them once in a while." 

Tim sighed, "I know. I guess I got used to running from everyone while looking for Bruce."

"Hey now, I'm the outlaw here. Running is my job. Don't take my job." Jason said, grinning. Suddenly Jason's phone began vibrating on the table, showing the name 'Goldie'. Jason grumbled and picked it up, making his way to the door. "I'll keep Dick off your back for a lil while, but I won't be able to hold him off for long. There are some things simply no man can do." 

"Jason!" Tim called out. When Jason turned round with a questioning look, Tim said "I'm glad you're learning to cope."

Jason gave a salute and a smile, before vanishing out the door. 

Tim sat there for a little while, looking blankly at the door, before drinking the rest of his coffee and heading back up to the bedroom. Conner laid still, but Tim could easily tell from his breathing that he was awake. "How long have you been awake, then?"

Conner rolled over, "like, ten minutes ago? I have super hearing dude, I'm gonna wake up." 

Tim stood and walked over to the bed, sitting at the end. "Well, since you super heard the conversation, your thoughts Mr Kent?"

Conner grumbled and kicked him gently, before moving over to rest his head on Tim's shoulder. "Well, Mr Drake, The Red Hood is somehow correct. You should really talk to Batman about this, he's your legal father right?"

Tim hummed. Really, there was no way he was going to talk to Bruce about any of this. Even with Batman Inc set up, he maintained a sort of professional distance with everyone (he wasn't ready to go back to being a family, not yet). Instead of answering, he redirected the conversation asking, "you still don't trust Jason, do you?"

"He tried to kill you!" 

"He's reformed?"

"He's literally killed people."

"He's valid."

"Oh my god." Conner rolled back onto the bed. " _Fine_. I guess if you trust him I'll go along, but I'll be watching. Even if he scares me a little bit."

Tim laughed, and moved over to lie on Conner. Perhaps he could hold off the deep emotional talks with the family for a little while longer, at least while Conner was here with him to help.

**Author's Note:**

> If you can give feedback it would be really appreciated!! Let me know who else you want to see, or what I should change etc.
> 
> Come visit me @ highnoonbinary on tumblr
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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